I love black thongs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
