Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
