just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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