found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
