I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
