he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
