how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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