is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
