Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
