worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
