you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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