What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Couch. On fire.
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