Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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