yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
