I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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