3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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