i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
