The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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