why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
