so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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