super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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