I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My penis needs a shock collar
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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