i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
