just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My vagina just recognized that song.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
