I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
