tell your sister to shave her snatch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
