Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
