One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
