we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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