We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
