The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
