is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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