sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
