I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
