After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
