Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
