you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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