Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
