found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He shit in the fireplace
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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