i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
