The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
