I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
