we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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