How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
