Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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