I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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