Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
