Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
