My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
