she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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