He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i think my cat just said my name.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
