Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
