What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
