well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
