went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
